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maybe it was the way that she was so beautiful and yet she never took advantage of it. she never used her beauty to get her way. she didn't try hard though. she let things take her where she'd go next. one day she might show up knocking on my apartment door dressed in a nightgown and then next night she'd call me at three in the morning telling me to meet her in the park and she'd be in a dress and with someone she'd never met before. it was normally some person that was wise with age and she'd never see them again. that was okay to her, she'd have soaked up all the knowledge she could the few hours she was talking to this or that wise person. maybe she'd not talk to me or call me or come knocking on my door at random hours for a week. then one day she'd show up again. maybe this time in sweats, but of course she looked as beautiful as always.
we could be watching a movie or something and the second i looked at her we'd burst into fits of laughter. she was just one of those friends. at times i could call her my best friend and at times i could tell her to her face that i hated her. oh i hated her so much. next night comes, and there she is calling me and we're talking like i never said those horrible things and im laughing real hard with my roomate screaming at me to shutup and go to bed.
it sucked, but it was like how it was for most guy girl best friends. one always liked the other. i liked her and then i stopped and she liked me then stopped. one night we'd get real drunk and end up making out. who would fall in love with the other that night? sometimes it was me, sometimes her.
thank god that never ruined our friendship. nothing could ruin us. we were like gravity, maybe. we'd be fallingfallingfalling and it'd be apart. but every time we fell apart we'd come crashing down and stop. maybe it'd be months since we talked. hopefully only days. the problem with this gravity was someone always hit first. it was never a mutual hitting, someone was always still falling. the other had to come and help out gravity and pull the other down. usually it was her, pulling me down. i let her do her own thing even if i needed her.
gravity always stopped us. it always worked. it worked in random ways sometimes, like that one time where she was ignoring me for a week and then one day i decided to go to the library and guess who was there. her. even if she was not into reading because
"why read someone elses story? why not just write your own?".
you could never expect anything for her. ever. and if you tried to, you'd be screwed in the end. because if you did, well i'll just tell you it'd never happen. ever. she wasn't one to think what was expected of her. she did practically the opposite, sometimes on purpose but mostly not.
it'd never be the same. each time we became best friends over again it'd always be different. maybe that's what was exciting about it. i loved the thrill of it. i loved the pain of missing her. i loved all of it. people were always telling me to get my head out of the clouds and get her out of my heart. but i never did.
eventually it'd been longer then a few months since we talked or she came knocking. i hadn't seen her for so long and i began to wonder if gravity was still working. i went everywhere i thought she'd be. i called her cellphone twenty times a day after it was four months since we'd talked.
"this phone number has been disconnected." it would tell me. i kept trying, so many times. hoping that it was wrong. the phone had not been disconnected. she was on the other line speaking in that dumb robot voice saying that because she didn't want to talk to me. it hurt less to think she was ignoring me then to think she was just somewhere. somewhere that wasn't here that didn't need that phone.
i'd wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, thinking that i'd heard her knocking or my phone ringing. she was the only one that'd call me that time of night. it never was her. it never was anyone. people would ask.
"where's that girl? where's that crazy girl?". i dont know i told them, i dont know.
"why don't you find her? why don't you go get her and fix this?" one of the wise men from the park asked me.
"it was never up to me to find her. it was never up to me to fix it. she always comes back. " i told him.
.
we could be watching a movie or something and the second i looked at her we'd burst into fits of laughter. she was just one of those friends. at times i could call her my best friend and at times i could tell her to her face that i hated her. oh i hated her so much. next night comes, and there she is calling me and we're talking like i never said those horrible things and im laughing real hard with my roomate screaming at me to shutup and go to bed.
it sucked, but it was like how it was for most guy girl best friends. one always liked the other. i liked her and then i stopped and she liked me then stopped. one night we'd get real drunk and end up making out. who would fall in love with the other that night? sometimes it was me, sometimes her.
thank god that never ruined our friendship. nothing could ruin us. we were like gravity, maybe. we'd be fallingfallingfalling and it'd be apart. but every time we fell apart we'd come crashing down and stop. maybe it'd be months since we talked. hopefully only days. the problem with this gravity was someone always hit first. it was never a mutual hitting, someone was always still falling. the other had to come and help out gravity and pull the other down. usually it was her, pulling me down. i let her do her own thing even if i needed her.
gravity always stopped us. it always worked. it worked in random ways sometimes, like that one time where she was ignoring me for a week and then one day i decided to go to the library and guess who was there. her. even if she was not into reading because
"why read someone elses story? why not just write your own?".
you could never expect anything for her. ever. and if you tried to, you'd be screwed in the end. because if you did, well i'll just tell you it'd never happen. ever. she wasn't one to think what was expected of her. she did practically the opposite, sometimes on purpose but mostly not.
it'd never be the same. each time we became best friends over again it'd always be different. maybe that's what was exciting about it. i loved the thrill of it. i loved the pain of missing her. i loved all of it. people were always telling me to get my head out of the clouds and get her out of my heart. but i never did.
eventually it'd been longer then a few months since we talked or she came knocking. i hadn't seen her for so long and i began to wonder if gravity was still working. i went everywhere i thought she'd be. i called her cellphone twenty times a day after it was four months since we'd talked.
"this phone number has been disconnected." it would tell me. i kept trying, so many times. hoping that it was wrong. the phone had not been disconnected. she was on the other line speaking in that dumb robot voice saying that because she didn't want to talk to me. it hurt less to think she was ignoring me then to think she was just somewhere. somewhere that wasn't here that didn't need that phone.
i'd wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, thinking that i'd heard her knocking or my phone ringing. she was the only one that'd call me that time of night. it never was her. it never was anyone. people would ask.
"where's that girl? where's that crazy girl?". i dont know i told them, i dont know.
"why don't you find her? why don't you go get her and fix this?" one of the wise men from the park asked me.
"it was never up to me to find her. it was never up to me to fix it. she always comes back. " i told him.
.
Literature
A Year and a Half
I've got a place in your heart
a special one
and after all this time, I'm still here.
It's been a year and a half
since I have met you,
you've been in my heart forevermore.
I've wondered if you like me,
wonder if you like me
we be textin', talkin', laughin', playin'
flirtin' and teasin' each other from time to time.
You make me smile,
I make you smile.
Every single time we talk
and when you wave,
I smile and wave back to you.
Even after a year and a half,
I still like you, like I used to
I still like you.
Our paths keep intertwining,
is it fate? or coincidence?
You've got a place in my heart
a special one
and after all this time, you're
Literature
Virginal Year
It feels like poetry for a new beginning:
Running in slow motion,
Laying a fresh path in the
Tentative first snow of a virginal year.
Your hand shapes a safe home in which my
Shivering fingers nestle;
You sow a field of forgetting
Over the weary road behind.
Untouched and unafraid, this
Unfamiliar unconditionality, this
Darkness so vivid, this
Uncertainty so certain.
We build that which is
From that which we were.
In the sanctity of our year,
In the unwritten and pure,
You and I are as new in this moment
As ever we have been.
We are here.
We are now.
We are.
Literature
The Years of my Life
’93 The year of my birth
’94 A new sibling?
’95 Yes. A baby girl
’96 And a baby cousin birthed
’97 A brother born, short-lived
’98 Another tragic baby boy
’99 Into Year 1, the start of my learning
’00; A new millennium
’01 A best friend leaves, but another arrives
’02 The first year of splitting is survived
’03 How can we both remember that we used to speak?
’04 The last year of the best years of my life
’05 A new start, or a start to the end
’06 A friendship grows too close
’07 I cause my own spiral down
’08 But with the new ones, we pick ourselv
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"I guess my mind wanders off
from time to time
Sometimes I convince myself
that all is fine in the world
It's not mine
Why should I
have to try
to fix things I didn't create or contrive"-the rocket summer.
from time to time
Sometimes I convince myself
that all is fine in the world
It's not mine
Why should I
have to try
to fix things I didn't create or contrive"-the rocket summer.
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