"four years ago today you asked me out." she said, looking shy. they were in a coffee shop and when she had asked him to come, she didn't think he would. when he said he would, she didn't expect him to show up. but he had proved her wrong. it occured to her she wasn't good at predictions when it came to him.
"four years ago today i made a huge ass mistake." he said. apparently the insane amount of sugar in his drink hadn't sweetend his soul.
"i remember how i felt when you asked me. kind of giddy, kind of nervous, and kind of ready." she decided the things he said weren't going to get in the way of the things she had wanted to say since they day he broke up with her almost three years earlier.
"i remember how i felt when i asked you. kind of drunk." he said. she looked in his eyes. they were bloodshot. she wasn't sure if he was high or previously high or maybe just tired.
"nicholas, are you on something?" he looked away. a memory came back to her: he wasn't one to answer questions. you had to kind of provoke him to speak, which was one of the reasons they fought so often.
"celia, did you invite me here because you wanted an update on what i looked like? you could of just looked on facebook, instead of making me leave my apartment and buy this ridicuously expensive shitty drink. or did you want me to come here so you could rant? i get that enough for my mother, thank you very much. or did you invite me here to try and make me fall in love with you again? because dear, it's four years later and i'd like for you to know it's not going to happen. because, newsflash: i never even loved you. i was drunk or hungover for like, 90 percent of the relationship. and you never loved me. because sure, you were 19 but you had the maturity of a twelve year old." he says, suddenly angered.
"i was getting to that." celia said.
"getting to what?" nicholas asked.
"the fact that i never loved you."
"oh, so you realized?"
"yes. and i wanted to tell you."
"huh. four years later and you still act like you're twelve."
"huh. four years later and you still act like a total asshole. oh wait, you're not acting."
"if you don't like me, then leave. i didn't ask you to come." he said, taking a large sip of his drink and looking careless.
"fuck you." she said. she couldn't take his careless attitude anymore. it was something about him that still got to her.
"oh you must of forgot hunny, you already did." nick said and cracks up at himself like he's one of those stand up comedians on television that are so funny they can laugh at themselves. she looked at him, refusing to talk.
"you know what? fuck you, too." he says as if he suddenly realized something.
"oh you must of forgot hunny, you already did." she mocks.
"it's not like you were exactly perfect, either."
"at least i wasn't drunk all the time."
"hell girl, i had problems. but i fixed those problems. after we broke up? i went to rehab. i got better. and i relapesed like, six times. but i haven't touched a bottle for a year. now i'm working my ass off, trying to make something of myself. i've obviously accomplished more than you have. graduated from college? that's nice, sweetie. except that's not going to get you anything besides a job but college or not, you'll be worknig your ass off just like me. now you just have extra expenses. i see you've furthered your education but you haven't done much else." he said, rambling. he wasn't sure if what he said made sense. he was so angry at her. she had gotten things easy, something he never had.
"oh so you're so great because you did something to fix something you weren't supposed to do in the first place. congratulations, i'm so proud! not. you know if you weren't so drunk all the time, we could of worked out." she said.
"i wanted us to work out. but i didn't think we could. i was going through so much hell and i didn't want to pull you down with me. you understand that? i wanted things to be better for you. i knew you'd end up just like me if you stayed with me." he said. for once, he showed his emotions.
"you want to know something? i feel like college did shit for me. i got nothing out of that shithole except a friend and a permenant record for getting caught drunk as piss the morning of an exam. lucky ass me, i didn't get kicked out. i realized something a while ago. it scared me, but i can't deny it. i'm just like you were. except functional, but shit, that's not much better." she said, wondering what got into her.
"i want to be friends. i do. and i want to help you and make up for the time of being an asshole although i warn you i still am." he said.
"i want to be friends with you too. i want to be able to call you at four a.m. and ask if you want to go get mcdonalds with me and i want to be able to watch movies from when we were little kids and i want to feel like i didn't go multiple years without talking to you." she said.
"i want to be friends with you and be able to tell you the truth like i loved you and i never stopped and i blamed you because i could. i want to be able to tell you that nothing was your fault. i want to be able to tell you sorry." he said. he leans back in the chair. he feels tired, from saying things he kept in so long. almost empty. like all his secrets left him.
"i want to be friends with you so i can say i forgive you."