anywherebesideshere

today: our song comes on the radio. i do not cry. yesterday: i stare at you. you stare at me. we do not say anything and yet this is the most we have said to each other in four months. i should have known you would show up. i look you up and down. you watch me do this from across the room. you look better than you used to. more alive. more real. more awake. i make an attempt to smile at you. you smile back. i walk away. two weeks ago: you call me. i see your name come up. i have changed it from your name, to love of my life, to asshole. i answer. you are silent. i hear people talking in the background. i realize it was a pocket call. my

amelia: what's the point of living if you just die? william: what's the point of dying if you haven't lived? - amelia: when i was in middle school, i was bullied. a lot. i always wanted to kill myself because of it but i didn't because i didn't want to be some statistic, you know? some days i regret not doing it and getting it over with, but other days i am shocked that i even wanted to. william: people are just people, amelia. they shouldn't make you feel that way. amelia: but things people say mean a lot when you're thirteen. william: i wish i could just stop it, you know? all of it. i wish i could be that person who makes your life o

amelia: just screw you, will. screw you. william: you have fucking problems. amelia: do i? do i now? and what are those problems? come on, enlighten me. william: you act like everyone is out to fucking get you, and you know what? a lot of people actually, shockingly, like you. except when you get like this and then everyone just wants to tell you to fuck off. you can be such a bitch sometimes. amelia: if you want a relationship that's easy, then i don't recommend sticking around. because it's pretty obvious i can't give you that. william: who says i want easy? nothing in life is easy. it's shit and it's always going to be shit and nobody

i hear you believe we're made of stars and that other people think you're crazy. i don't. i did but then i figured you out and i realized you were just words and talk and a lot of mind games that even you couldn't understand why you played. you used to compare me to wild fire's and i would curse you until the night ended. we were a lot of nothing back then. we're even more nothing now then before. when i first met you i figured we'd be something but that was the kind of person i was back then. i used to expect the best from people and from situations but now i know to hope for the best and expect the worst because people like you come around

amelia: i know that one day i'm going to be able to look back on this, all this being messed up crap, and say that was then and this is now and now i'm fine. it's just, i'm not too good at waiting. i want to be better now. actually, i want to be better yesterday. i want to never need to be better because i was fine before. william: amelia, i think you go think too much. just stop thinking for like, point one second. amelia: william, shut the fuck up. william: i'm just trying to help. amelia: well, it's not working. william: then stop fucking ranting to me like i'm a fucking advice column. - amelia: you know that saying, if it doesn't k

william: would you marry me? amelia: what like, now? william: well, not now maybe, but soon. i mean unless you want to now. amelia: what, go to vegas or something? william: we have a car. we could always go for it. grab your parents on the way, find a dress, make it quick and painless. amelia: are you saying that marrying me would be painful? william: yes, no, kind of both. you might turn into one of those crazy bridezilla's. amelia: huh. true. plus vegas would be cheaper. and i wouldn't have to see all my asshole cousins and the rest of the family that i barely know. william: exactly! it's a win win. amelia: but i kind of want one o

i do not like how my words look on paper reminding me of letters i wrote to you you were always breaking people and letting others break you i picked up the pieces like a fucking maid always fixing things starting things mending things ending things there are apologies you need to make and broken hearts you need to heal how did you think i'd deal? you are suprised that you had an impact that you made me cry i wish i knew how to make you as vulnerable as i was and yet i forgive you all the way excuses are just excuses except when they break your heart

william: i'm proud of you, for doing this and all. amelia: turn left. i don't think anythings going to come out of one hour of just freaking talking. william: well, if you don't like him we could find you a new therapist. but you have to try. amelia: why? william: you said you wanted to get better. and this is part of the process. amelia: i've been to people before. i've had my fair share of therapists. this isn't going to work. william: why can't you just give it a shot? we're here. amelia: if this doesn't work out you owe me. - william: how did it go? amelia: better than i thought. william: wow, that well?! amelia: it was nice.

amelia: i cant do this anymore. i need help. i need to feel normal. i need to stop feeling like the whole world is spinning except for me. william: i want to help you but everytime i try to you just get pissed off. i'll be there for you if you just let me. amelia: i don't know how to let people help me. william: well maybe it's time to learn. amelia: you know, when i was twelve they put me in a mental hospital. william: yeah? amelia: and thirteen. and fourteen. twice. by fifteen they gave up. i guess they figured i was one of those kids that never got over their depression crap. just one of those whiny bitches. william: wow. amelia: i

william: i don't know how i feel about this anymore. amelia: about what? william: this. us. you. me. everything in between. i'm just not so sure anymore. amelia: you know, there was a time where you would do anything to make this work. william: and there was a time where you wanted it to work. god, amelia, maybe we've changed. amelia: or maybe we just weren't what we though we were. william: each other or ourselves? amelia: maybe both. william: i remember the first time i kissed you. amelia: i remember that too. but i don't like to think about it. william: why? amelia: because back then...everything was different. you know? and bac